your star

Twilight Galaxy

As I prepare for Made of Chalk’s launch, I have finally begun to write the Metric feature that I planned months ago. Something that Jimmy Shaw (guitarist) said has stuck with me the past 6 months — “When in hell, keep on fighting, and keep on going. And hold tightly onto your loved ones, because without them, the fight is impossible.” That was his advice, when I asked how they managed to make it through some difficult times that the band experienced, because I knew I was going to need it. And to this day, it affects me greatly.

I remember being 19 and getting thrown into this Staff position on AbsolutePunk.net, with no experience, and no contacts. And I remember making a separate mysapce account, so that I could follow and reach out to bands in order to post news, features, and anything I could get my hands on. This new “job,” despite being tedious and not rewarding me financially, had awakened something within me that I didn’t even know existed… even though my obsession with all things music started at a very young age. I had never felt as passionate about anything in my life, and seeing the difference that my help could make for artists only fueled that passion.

Six years later the SXSW festival rolled around again. This time, I was finally going to cross it off on my bucket list. It was a defining moment in my career, as it was the moment I realized that I would never love doing anything as much as I love doing what I do with music, and being a part of the music community. You know when you’re the “new” kid at a job, and you feel awkward because you have no experience and don’t know anyone? After years of working with God-knows-how-many record labels, publicists, managers, and artists, I finally felt like I belonged. I’ll never stop learning, but I was (and am) not the “new” kid anymore. All those people I had worked with over the years — my friends — were there. And they took care of me in so many ways; their generosity and the way they welcomed me in their circles was incredible. In that moment, I ceased to be the girl from this site called “absolutepunk” who was naively and hopelessly trying to promote “indie” music on it; I had ceased to be just another random blogger; I had become a friend.

These friends, and my incredible group of friends here in London and everywhere (literally everywhere around the world), encouraged me to pursue something bigger and better, because they would have my back. So here we are. I’m working on this Metric feature because last June, one of these very friends, put me in touch with the band because I wanted to write this feature … for a website that was simply an idea at that point. Just like that, I was going to be able to talk to one of my favourite bands, and one of Canada’s biggest bands, when I didn’t even have a website yet. The conversation was overwhelming to say the least, because I got so much more than just answers I needed for my feature — the band had given me the hope and encouragement that I needed to move forward with my project. I couldn’t thank them enough. I couldn’t thank my friend (their publicist) enough. I couldn’t thank my Staff, and many of the AbsolutePunk Staff enough. And I couldn’t thank many of my readers enough (especially this one “kid” who became one of my partners, as he offered to turn his recording studio into the Made of Chalk studio so that we could have bands record short sessions ala Tiny Desks there). These days, as the launch date is getting closer, I feel like I can’t thank so many people enough. I feel like the luckiest person alive, even during the doubt-filled moments, because it’s not every day that you find people to help make your dreams come true like this; most importantly, it’s not easy to find people that have your back and believe in you so much, much more than you do yourself. If this journey has taught me anything, it’s to believe what Jimmy said to be an absolute truth.

I’ve worked tirelessly to help out hundreds of artists with their careers, but they’ve helped me just as much: they’ve encouraged me like no other, and they continue to every day. I recall Dessa and Lazerbeak of Doomtree taking me in their van at SXSW after their sold-out show in Austin, because they were trying to come up with a game-plan for me to succeed and start making money for all my work. And I remember so many of my favourite artists and bands (including The Glitch Mob, Astronautalis, Ryan Graveface of BMSR, Cary Brothers, Typhoon, Great Northern… to name a few) throwing their support behind my project in unimaginable ways. And how could I forget Clint Mansell? His encouragement and support is simply mind blowing. It’s not every day that one of the biggest and most talented contemporary composers helps you achieve your dreams, invites you to movie sets, and helps you cope with a long-term relationship break up.

Even if this project never takes off and falls flat on its face, I will never regret the experience, for it’s made me learn so much; above all, it’s made me realize how lucky I am because I am surrounded by so many wonderful people. The fact that I have gotten so close to making my biggest dream come true is an indescribable feeling — one that I wouldn’t trade for anything else. Nothing is out of reach with friends like mine. Every “you can do this,” “I’d love to help” and “I believe in you” comment has meant the world. And the list of people who have made said comments is endless. I can only hope that one day they will know how thankful I truly am.

And to make this come full circle, this will forever be one of my favourite songs because these are words to live by.

“Did they tell you, you should grow up when you wanted to dream?

Did they warn you, better shape up If you want to succeed

I don’t know about you, who are they talking to? They aren’t talking to me.”

tl;dr: Eda is very emo, and when she gets in these moods, she needs to let everyone know how much she loves them. Hard work pays off. You can make your dreams come true. Keep your loved ones close.

2013

Hello, 2013. I hope you kick 2012’s ass.

But really, to make it worth your while for having read so ~far~, here’s a lovely tune that I rediscovered (and fell in love with again). Mr. Radin’s voice shall make you melt.

Also, this is dedicated to my white friend Shola. Hearts and shit. /emo

Made of Chalk: My Beautiful MoC Team

Time Machine

Found my old LJ, and it’s brought back so many memories. This particular one stood out because in a weird way, it made me feel good about where I am right now, and I needed that reminder:

i feel so depressed and i can’t even explain why. i wish i knew what exactly is making me feel this way because maybe i’d be able to do something about it if i knew. part of me thinks it’s because i’m not satisfied with my life right now, or rather where i am at this point in my life. i turned 19 on monday, and it was really the best birthday i’ve had since i’ve come to canada. i didn’t do anything special, but when you’ve had a crappy birthday for the last 3 years, you appreciate the littlest things. and i’m grateful for everything, i loved spending the day with tristan, but my birthday was just a bad reminder of how left behind i am. i’m so far away from where i want to be. sometimes i feel like i’ll never get where i really want to be and that depresses me even more. i was feeling the exact same way this time last year. maybe it’s just this part of the year that makes me feel this way? when i turn a year older, everything i’ve tried to avoid thinking of just hits me? i don’t know. i just really feel unhappy and i want to change it so much.

my birthday wish was for things to change in the future and that i get where i want to be.

I wish I could go back and just say this to 19-year-old-Eda: You’ll go through hell and back, and you’ll meet far too many dipshits, but it all works out in the end. You just need to get all those bad things and bad people out of the way first. And you will be on track to making the life that you want a reality, surrounded by wonderful people.

And I guess that’s the advice that I would give to anyone who feels stuck and confused. Just don’t give up; it really does get better. When you’re down, there’s nowhere else to go but up. It’s a fact.

Music

It’s often difficult to describe how or why music has the impact that it does in my life, since at the end of the day… I am simply a listener. I could sit here all day and list the reasons why I’ve decided to drop everything and focus on just that — music — for the rest of my life, despite the uncertainties it brings. But when it comes down to it, it’s all very simple: music has brought me closer to people all over the world, people that I consider some of my best friends. It’s because of that, and the fact that I have random kids on Twitter tell me about how they found a musician like Ólafur Arnalds thanks to my relentless promotion, and that they feel forever grateful… as do the musicians themselves that I’ve helped along the way. It’s an incredible feeling, and it’s a feeling I never want to let go of. Financial stability would be ideal, but I think I’ll stick to this “music thing” and see where it takes me, because music has, without a doubt, been the single constant in my life. And I never want that to change.

Quotes

When in need, good friends pull through and send you great quotes like this. Thanks, Dan.

“I think it’s great for two people to be together. That is a good number. I think, that to keep it alive though, you can’t spend every day together. It wears out the magic, Love means nothing to me if it’s not fortified with fierce, painful longing, brief explosive instances of furious passion and intimacy and then a sad parting for a time. In that way, you can give your life to it and still have a life of your own. I think some couples spend too much time together. They flatten out the potential for experience by constant closeness. Passion builds over time like steam. Let it rage until it’s exhausted and then leave it alone to let it build up again. Why can’t love be insane and distorted? How can it be vital if it has the same threshold as normal day-to-day experience? Why can’t you write burning letters and let your nocturnal self smolder with desire for one who is not there? Why not let the days before you see her be excruciating and ferment in your mind so on the day you go to the airport to pick her up, you’re nearly sick with anticipation? And then when desire shows the first sign of contentment, throw it back it its cage and let it slowly build itself back into a state of starved fury. Then when you are together, it all matters. So that when you look into her eyes, you lose your balance, so that when she touches you, it feels like you have never been touched before. When she says your name, you think it was she who named you. When she has gone, you bury your face in the pillow to smell her hair and you lie awake at night remembering your face in her neck, her breathing and the amazing smell of her skin. Your eyes go wet because you want her so bad and miss her so much. Now that is worth the miles and the time. That matches the inferno of life. Otherwise you poison each other with your presence day after day as you drag each other through the inevitable mundane aspects of your lives. That is the slow death that I see slapped on faces everywhere I go. It’s part of the world’s sadness that’s more empty than cold, poorly lit rooms in cities of the American night.”
Henry Rollins  (via albinwonderland)

Relationships require a lot of work and effort, but in the end, it’s all worth it.

Time Lapse Lifeline

I have been lost in my thoughts ever since SXSW ended. So many things have happened in the past week; it’s difficult to wrap my mind around it all. I don’t know if I want this to be my recap for SXSW, because all I really care to focus on are my friends, the AP.net community and all the industry people I work with who I finally got a chance to meet. I suppose this might turn into a big mushy, boring post that’s best kept private. But when do I ever take the chance to open up to this extent? So here we go….

If there is one thing that this past week has truly taught me, it’s the fact that people do take notice and appreciate what you do — sometimes even more than you may realize; people will genuinely care if you are a thoughtful and friendly individual. I find it difficult to believe that there’s a single person out there who doesn’t struggle with self-esteem issues. And I’m no exception (shocking, right?) It’s often difficult to value my own work, or myself in general, more often than I’d like to admit. And I struggle to keep doing what I love doing because crazy insecurities like to take hold once in a while. I always manage to make it through and keep my focus on what truly matters: my love for music. But I would be lying if I said that I’m just that strong. No. It’s the people around me — the people I surround myself with. I’ve had my fair share of disastrous and betraying friendships/relationships, but at the end of the day, I’m still here. And I have so many wonderful people in my life. I grew up in a third world country with next to nothing, and I moved here as a teen, 10 years ago, without knowing how to speak English. To say that the past decade has been a difficult journey would be an understatement. But I feel so blessed. I was handed a job on this, you know, website called AbsolutePunk.net 5+ years ago, because the owner had this crazy idea that I’d be a good addition … obviously all thanks to my flawless taste in music. At the time, I thought he was insane, and looking back, I still think he was. But clearly, he was on to something. I feel like my work on AP.net has made me find myself; it brought me out of the shell I was stuck in after moving to Canada and spending many years alone. And most importantly, it brought me to so many people, and music itself. I never thought I had this in me — this passion for music. I played the piano for 6 years when I was young, and even though I couldn’t play a single note right now, there is absolutely no doubt in mind that music is my life. It’s all so clear to now.

There are certain aspects of the industry that are disheartening, but isn’t that the case with every industry? In a perfect world, everyone would get the attention they deserve, and everyone would be treated fairly and equally. But that’s not the case. And you know, maybe in a naive way, that’s what inspires me to be a part of the industry: I want to make a difference, and it doesn’t matter how small. I have put my support behind bands that I truly believe in for years, and I have campaigned and promoted them like I was a part of their project — I’ve felt and breathed their music to the deepest extent one possibly can. It goes without saying that being able to support a living this way would be ideal, but I don’t regret a single second I have spent helping anyone in this industry. Money is crucial, but it’s not everything. I have had the pleasure to meet and befriend some amazing people along the way, people that I want to always have around.

I was telling Kate, one of the girls I traveled to Austin with, that I could essentially travel anywhere and I would always have at least one person to hang out with and show me around. To me, that is priceless. I would not trade these friendships for the world. I wouldn’t trade them for the simple fact that, when I visited Austin, my lovely coworker Adam picked me up. In addition, I was reunited with one of my favourite people, Christina. We last hung out in San Francisco back in 2010, but our paths crossed once again due to her relocating. And that was amazing, even though she stunk up my room by eating my canned fish. I still love her, and I look forward to seeing her again. 

As I’m typing this, I’m talking to one of my longtime friends from AP.net, Dan. I couldn’t tell you how we became friends, but this crazy guy from Wisconsin has now become a big enough part of my life that I try to plan summer hangouts every year. He’s like that close gay friend every girl wants, except he’s completely straight, and he has an amazing girlfriend (hi Marie!). Really, he is pretty damn great and I’m lucky to call him a friend.

And there I go, getting another IM (on aim nonetheless) from James, someone else that I met on AP all the way back in 2004. He has been a part of my life since, and even though he hasn’t posted on our forums in a long time, he’s still very special to me. We have grown up together, and I hope we’ll still be in each other’s lives when we’re old and wrinkly. There aren’t many people that I couldn’t picture not talking to on a regular basis, but he is one of them.

But back to Austin — I had the pleasure of spending some time with these two awesome girls, Kate and Leah, who my best friend and I traveled with. Our personalities could not be any more different, but I had some of the most fun in their company. Here we are, four girls from Canada, stranded in a tornado-ridden state, with a canceled flight. The solution? Drinking Pinot Grigio, Four Loko and Bud Light Platinum… since the latter don’t exist in Canada. The entire rest of the trip was an absolute blast, including all the panic attack moments we had here and there. Really, I can’t thank them enough for making my trip so memorable. I now have two more friends in Toronto, and I cannot wait to spend more time and work with them in the future.

And of course, Austin would not have been the same without some of the most important people I’ve met on AP.net: Chris (Billions & Billions), Malcom (Arrange), Paul (Tao!) and Wade (thisisadisaster). I’ve mentioned the first two many times, and I promote their music like it’s my own; they are both great musicians that deserve so much more attention. Not to mention that they are great friends of mine, so we all know what that means: I’ll be milking them when they make it big! Speaking of someone that’s made it “big” — I’ve known Paul since I was 16, so meeting him was a special moment. I jumped in his arms when we saw each other, and he spun me around. Quite romantic, but in reality, we are siblings at this point, and I value him dearly. As for Wade, I am still absolutely baffled that he actually made his way to SXSW. It felt so good to finally meet this “one AP kid” who I have known for 8 years. It was so great to have him around, and it’s even greater to have become closer to him because of that. And how could I forget Mark (apoemtothedead)? We somehow always bump into each other in different parts of the continent — it’s so random, but so awesome.

On the topic of “AP kids,” I managed to hang out with these two guys named Roshan and Alexander. The former works on AP.net’s weekly hip-hop round-up, so I had a somewhat “professional” relationship with him. Well, I don’t know how else to put this, so I’ll just come out and say it: they truly blew me away. They are probably the finest gentlemen in all of Texas, and we all know how big that state is. I didn’t expect much from our hangout, but at the end of the festival…. they were truly one of the highlights of my entire trip. They showed me around, took me out to eat, and bought me drinks… on their dime, throughout the entire weekend. While all those perks were nice and all, it was their company that I appreciated most. I spent the weekend being depressed over my mother being in the hospital, so having them around, two “locals” who made me feel right at home, helped me more than they may realize. But one thing is for sure, and I believe they know it too: they have now made a life-long friend, one who, unfortunately, will keep pestering them to visit time and time again. Oh, they have an awesome blog too: WeWoreMasks.

My Austin trip would not have been possible without the company of my best friend, Timo. She was my rock throughout the entire trip and put up with my ups and downs better than I would expect anyone to. It’s funny because we joke about our crazy insecurities and that we don’t know how to maintain a healthy, close girl-friendship, be it from past experiences or from not having any experience whatsoever. But despite it all, and the ups and downs, we just… click. Maybe it’s our Eastern European genes that brought and keep us together — whatever the reason may be, I feel extremely blessed to have her around. She has been the most supportive and encouraging person about my “career,” and my “potential” as a person in general. The way I feel about her and our friendship can not be put down to words, so I think I will end this by saying: you know you are an extremely lucky person when someone offers to take on this crazy trip to Austin, and who selflessly supports you throughout, for an entire week; someone who is constantly encouraging you because they believe in you so much. It’s impossible to express the amount of love and gratitude I have for her, so I suppose a gift from her crush, Fink, will suffice. Or Astronautalis?! But really, if you read this: thank you. You are truly incredible.

I ended my trip on a somewhat depressing note on Monday night, but I quickly realized that I really did/do not have anything to worry about. I had this outpouring support from some people that I value so, so much. Tristan spent hours trying to ease my anxiety, and I don’t know how, but he managed to succeed. His love and support meant, and always do mean, the world. Sometimes unconditional love is all you need. I am beyond lucky to have him in my life.

And I’m lucky to have friends like Brenden, who support what I do and believe in me. He’s my second favourite ginger in the entire world, and I am anxious to see what we can accomplish together. And of course, I also feel lucky to have these other two AP.net friends, who I consider anything but “e-friends,” called Kyle and Steph. The former has been so wonderful to me the past few weeks, and he’s slowly, but surely, securing himself a pretty special spot in my heart. His support has been so crucial, and I am extremely excited for both of our futures and whatever we manage to do together. And as for Steph, she is my grammar-Nazi-rock. I don’t think she realizes how lost I would feel if I couldn’t bug her to proof read any and all that I ever post for AP readers to see. On top of that, she has been such a wonderful friend to me on a personal level. Knowing that she, as well as her lovely girlfriend Gina, is always there is so comforting.

There are far too many other AP.net people that I would love to thank (Kyle H, Broden, Sean, Dre, Chris C, etc), but these people deserve personal shout-outs for their consistent support, especially the past few days. I sincerely do not know where I would be without them. They are my family.

Before I end this, I want to give a shout-out to some of my favourite people in the industry, people who I hope to get to know better with time. Ryan Graveface (Black Moth Super Rainbow / Dreamend) was one of the very first musicians to send me a personal “thank you” email back in 2010, so it’s easy to see why he’s a favourite, as a musician and person. I only hope that more people will start to take notice of his talent because I can’t think of many musicians who deserve it as much as he does. He’s been a great friend and I can’t thank him enough for taking a chance with me.

I want to thank my PR friends that I met while down at SXSW: George Corona, Caroline Borolla, Jeff Tafolla, Tito Belis, Chris Vinyard, Ever Kipp, Marni Wandner and Joanna Noyes. And of course, our Buzz Media director, Jeff Leeds. I still consider myself very much a “newbie” in the music industry, so to have them make an effort to spend time with me…. well, I honestly am not sure I can describe how amazing that felt. They were all extremely friendly and kind, and I cannot thank them enough. I am so eager to continue working with them, and to spend more time with them in general; they are fun and flat out awesome.

Last but not least, I want to thank Doomtree. They made my weekend. And they make me want to move to the Midwest! Well, maybe not… but the collective, as well as their crew, are hands down some of the most genuine people I have had, and will ever have, the pleasure of knowing. Their support means the world, and I will continue to promote their music for as long as I possibly can. Besides being crazy fun to hang out with, they are also insanely talented musicians. They rocked our party, and they will melt your face off live, so go see them!

So there we go, it’s all out of my chest. I have no doubt I could have made this much longer, but I suppose I should get back to work. If you didn’t care to read any of the shout-outs, then all you really need to know is that: I am surrounded by wonderful people friends. Whatever happens, wherever this crazy music journey takes me, it feels incredible to know that I have so much support. I have so much love for all these people, and anyone that has ever taken the time to pay attention to and support my work. Words can’t do my feelings justice, but Thank You. I could not do any of this without you.

Smash Hit

I’ve had so much going on (music wise) today that I’m finding it a bit difficult to wrap my mind around it. I’m pretty exhausted mentally at this point (3:30 am), so I won’t even attempt to write about what’s happened in great detail — but I’d like to highlight the following events/news because it’s just been a special sort of day, if you will.

• Lazkerbeak Exclusive: easily one of the best, and one of my personal favourite, exclusives that I’ve set up. It was just something else, so take a listen for yourself.
• Angus & Julia Stone: anyone that has known me for a few years… knows how much this band means to me. They made me become involved in the music scene so much more than ever before because I was determined to make the world listen; their success proved that I had the power to influence many, many listeners out there and gave me the confidence I needed. But enough about that — both of these amazing musicians (Angus Stone / Julia Stone) will release solo albums this year. I’ve been on cloud 9 over this news all day, and things only got better after their announcement: I was able to get in touch with them. Just incredible. Can’t think of other words to describe this.
• Dreamend, Great Lake Swimmers, Rodrigo y Gabriela, Xiu Xiu, Horse Feathers, etc..: these are some of my favourite bands, and I not only received press releases re: new albums, but actually received some of the albums as well. To say that I’ve been overwhelmed with good music in the past ~40 hours would be an understatement. With that being said, please take a moment to check out all these bands; they’re wonderful.
• Graveface Records: some good stuff should be happening with them soon, and I am very excited about this. 

It’s almost 4 am now and everyone (but me) is asleep. I don’t expect anyone to read this, but if anyone does, it’s probably people who are constantly supporting what I do (read: the ones who keep me going). Either way, I just needed to make a note of this ridiculously eventful day. Perhaps now that I did, I will be able to sleep. But first things first — this Dreamend record needs to end before I can rest!

AP Bands

I’ve started to think about my end of the year list, and what kind of lists I plan to include this year. I have now decided that I want to have a list for absolutepunk.net bands — the bands that users of the forums are a part of that I really love.

My current list:

Billions and Billions (obvs)

Arrange

Living Words

Parvulesco

Dinner and a Suit

Snowmobile

Glass America

Hailey, It Happens

I can’t seem to think of others right now, but I’m sure there’s a few more. Either way, this is my working list. I love AP.net members that I’ve spent time talking to and getting to know, and I want to help promote their music a little more. The music they make is pretty incredible, and I hope that a few more readers will fall in love with it just like I have.